No ?
please don't ask to ask, just ask your question directly
Imagine someone walks up to you, asks "can I ask you a question?", and then waits for permission before saying anything useful... 🤦♀️
❌ Don't do this
T.J Miller thought he was being polite: let me check if they have time first. But asking to ask adds an entire unnecessary round trip that delays the actual conversation by minutes or hours.
Most people who do this don't mean to waste anyone's time. It's a social habit: "I don't want to be rude, so I'll ask for permission first."
But in async text conversations, each round trip can take ages. That "sure" might arrive 15 minutes later, and by then you've lost momentum and the other person has context-switched twice for nothing.
The same goes for:
- can I ask you something?
- got a second?
- are you busy?
- can I bother you for a sec?
- I have a question...
Skip the preamble, just ask!
✅ Instead, try this
Jumping straight to your question is still polite — and it lets the other person answer right away, even if they see the message hours later.
Instead of asking to ask, try:
- Hey! Is the staging env ready for testing?
- Quick one — what's the password for the shared vault?
- Hi! Do you know if the release is scheduled for today?
- Hey, where can I find the onboarding doc?
Politeness is in the tone, not in the preamble. A friendly greeting plus your actual question is faster, kinder, and async-friendly.
When done right, everyone saves a round trip. 🎉